The invisible burden: Why men skip therapy

By Mercy Manyema  |  Published 27 July 2026

NB: Trigger alert - this blog post will mention suicide. 

Although women are more proportionally likely to attempt suicide,  men account for nearly 80% of all recorded suicides. This is partly because men usually use more violent methods. Suicide is not the only measure of one's state of mental health but it is a window into what many are now calling the silent pandemic. 

 It has been said over and over again that men are less likely to seek help for mental health, that they are less likely to talk about their struggles and that this often leads to aggression, violence and substance abuse. 

The question on everybody's lips is: why? Why do men skip therapy? Why are they less likely to seek for help? What barriers stand in their way to getting the support they need from family, friends and mental health practitioners?

At the top of the list are the expectations that society and culture often place on men to be strong and shoulder it all. From childhood, men are given the responsibility of being the one who holds the roof over everyone else, without flinching no matter how heavy it gets. Have you ever been to the funeral of a man, and everyone waits for his 20-year old son to arrive to make decisions because he is now "the man of the hous?". Seeking help and being vulnerable is seen as a sign of weakness (by who exactly?- we will tackle this in the next article). 

The signs and symptoms of mental health illness e.g. depression, may present differently in men and may go undiagnosed even if they do seek help. Sometimes we normalize these symptoms e.g. always feeling tired, overworking and drinking alcohol to cope. The symptoms themselves can become the mark of being a true man's man. 

But what most research articles show is that men do not have the safe spaces they need to let down their guard without judgement. A safe and non-judgemental space is necessary for anyone doing counselling regardless of their gender. A question that comes to mind then is: why do men seem to not feel safe with psychologists and counsellors? Is there perhaps a bigger issue with stigma around mental health care in general? 

And the million dollar question is - what can we do about it? 

Let me know your thoughts  in the comments. What are some other reasons that men don't get help for their mental health? Is it in their biology, is it only social conditioning at play? 

Do you or someone you know need to speak to someone about the suicidal thoughts you have been having? Get in touch with me here, and let us talk about it. 

Roses are red, violets are blue

By Nokukhanya Ncube  |  Published 20 July 2026

One of my favorite phrases is from a poem for those expressing their affectionate love to each other: "Roses are red, violets are blue..." You would agree with me that this has been one of the best pick-up lines for ages. I'm sure that if we were to put up a poll to vote on how popular it is, the line might be at the top.

Imagine if each and every time the phrase was used, someone had to give a rose. I'm sure by now we would have run out of beautiful roses.

Let's speak reality now. Most roses are probably expensive. I know they are beautiful, they smell nice, and they have a lasting scent. I am not a fan of flowers, but I know they make a home feel comfortable and smell good. Moreover, they have a way of putting a smile on someone's face.

For today, let's look at the line in this way: it's okay to be different - it's not a sin nor a crime. Like roses, you might be loved by most people, but not everyone is meant for you. That's also fine because violets are still beautiful in their own way.

Be yourself, and someone will love that about you.

Growth

By Mercy Manyema  |  Published 16 July 2026

When I had my first child I was privileged to witness her reaching her growth milestones. I saw her sit up for the first time, her first attempts at crawling, and also her first walking steps. There's no greater joy than to see your baby grow.

I also learned very quickly that growing includes pain, and falling. I watched my daughter scrape her knees or fall over as she tried to walk. All this was part of the growing process.

The law of growth in any area of life is that there will be some strain, some pain and even falling. Moving from one state of being to a new and better one involves some effort, and often involves pain.

Many of us give up at the first sign of trouble. There's sometimes a belief that good things should not be so hard. We forget that for a seed to germinate and grow into a tree it must push through the ground first. It must withstand the wind and the elements to grow to maturity, and bear fruit.

Prov 24v16 says: "Though a righteous person falls seven times, he will get up, but the wicked will stumble into ruin". On your journey of growth, remember that there will be uphill and downhill, there will be both sunshine and rain. Don't give up on your journey simply because things become difficult. Remember, "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; and character produces hope." (Romans 5v3-4).

The Rock that is higher than I

By Mercy Manyema  |  Published 29 June 2026

Psalm 61v2: From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

It's not easy to admit that you need help. Many of us would rather struggle until we figure it out than ask for help. I know of people who have been lost on the road and drove hundreds of kilometers off-course simply because they didn't want to ask for help.

The verse above highlights two issues about asking for help: firstly you must admit that you are overwhelmed, and secondly you must also admit that there is One higher than you. These are the things we often struggle with - admitting that we cannot help ourselves. It takes a level of vulnerability to admit this, and few enjoy being vulnerable.

Sometimes we need the help of doctors for our health, sometimes we need the help of psychologists for our mental health, sometimes we need the help of friends and family to support us through challenges- whatever the case my be, we all need help at some point.

Above all else, we all need the help of the Rock that is higher than I...we need Him every day and every hour, as the old song says. He is safe and steady, and will not let us down in our vulnerable moments. When we choose to hide ourselves in Jesus our Rock, He will help us to deal with all the other needs we may have.

In Psalm 116:1-11, we are reminded that when we call to the Lord He hears us and rescues us. He is "gracious and righteous and full of compassion..." and we can trust Him. We can trust Him with our most vulnerable needs, and He will deliver us.

Bloom Despite The Mess

By Nokukhanya Ncube  |  Published 25 June 2026

Life is like a book with many pages. As you peruse through them, you begin to see just how fascinating—and sometimes frustrating—the journey of life can be. None can confidently say they fully understand how tomorrow will unfold, no one.

Farmers understand the importance of timing and knowledge. They know when to plant, where to plant, which crops thrive in different seasons, and the type of soil best suited for each crop. Without this knowledge, they risk wasting time, effort, and resources.

During the rainy season, plants create a beautiful landscape. They are vibrant, full of life, and add a special complement to nature. Recently, as I was passing through some fields, I noticed a particular section that was filled with dirt, plastic waste, broken glass, and rotting food remains. To my surprise, this area had the healthiest and best-looking crops in the entire field.

That sight taught me several valuable lessons:

1. Negativity should not keep you down. Ignore the noise around you and live your life to the fullest.

2. Pay attention to your inner voice. If the voice within is discouraging your progress, silence it and replace it with thoughts that empower you.

3. Failure is not the end. Let every setback become a ladder to try again. It is okay to make mistakes. The real flop is giving up.

4. Do not allow your environment to devalue your purpose. As long as you have breath, keep moving, even when life gets messy.

Dare to dream

By Nathan Manyema  |  Published 16 June 2026

NOTE: This week's post is a song written by my son. I pray that it inspires you to keep dreaming, keep believing, keep hoping🙂.

🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

the place
where all good stories are made
the memories that you'll laugh about
the prices that you paid

the time
when nothing seems to rhyme
you can't see where you're going
but you're going

the name
you're trying to create
a chance to be something great
someone great

If you stay
I promise its worth the wait
it happens overnight
and greets when you wake

What is time?

By Mercy Manyema  |  Published 8 June 2026

I love watching sunrises and sunsets. They are beautiful, and the changing hues across the horizon are magnificent. I find both events so simple yet so surreal. I often take pictures but it can be quite difficult to fully capture the moment on a still photo.

Our entire lives are contained within sunrises and sunsets. Whatever happens in your life happens in the day time after the sun has risen, or during the night after the sun has set. It's a wonder then, that on any typical day we rush along, doing what we need to do and pay no attention to these two events that punctuate our lives daily. Maybe we are afraid to face them because they remind us that our days are like sand in an hourglass, slowly ebbing away.

Solomon says in Eccl 5:18 - "This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot" (NIV). Paul in Eph 5:15-16 then says: "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil" (NIV).

We all have a finite number of sunrises and sunsets that we will experience in this world. Its our choice how we spend the hours between them. We also have the privilege to pause a moment and savor a sunrise or a sunset, to reflect with gratitude on the blessing of being able to witness one. Take a moment, before the moments pass you by ✨️